Thoughts on Infant Sleep

1) The odds that a baby will go down without a fuss are inversely proportional to the parent’s degree of desperation for her to do so, multiplied by the number of hours since the parent’s last two consecutive hours of sleep.

2) There is a tiny sensor in every baby’s brain that will wake her from the soundest of sleeps to cry at the first moment that a parental toenail is touched with nail polish.  This effect is markedly increased if said parent is also enjoying a beer and a nice night on the porch swing.

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2 Comments on “Thoughts on Infant Sleep”

  1. Elaine Says:

    That sensor also goes off the second the parent gets up early to actually haul her sorry . . . butt . . . onto the treadmill before the kids wake up. This is why the parent’s butt is getting sorrier and sorry-er (really, how do you spell that?) by the day.

  2. Elaine Says:

    Oh, and they don’t have to be a baby baby, obviously, since my youngest is now almost two. But the four-year-old and nearly six-year-old also have that sensor. And? while they (the older two, not the toddler) are old enough to fend for themselves for a half hour? They don’t if I’m on the treadmill. For the love of God, they just DON’T.


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