Fuck

Beta was negative. But hey, at least a couple of my crackhead moron patients at work last night were pregnant. I’m sure that shows there’s balance in the universe.

I really wish my RE’s office would act like they gave the slightest shit about this, but they never seem to. Not that it’s their job to hold my hand, but…it’s frustrating. They could at least make an attempt to be kind.   An “I’m sorry” wouldn’t kill anyone. 

I think what’s really hard about this is that it feels like (and, well, it is) just another failure.  Another in a long line of failures going back 2.5 years.  That gets old after awhile.  Particularly when it seems like the entire fucking *world* can have children so easily.  I’ve been lapped by several people that I started trying with (who I like very much, but envy is still a pretty potent emotion.)  I see people every day at work who don’t deserve their kids one iota, think meth is a prenatal vitamin, all that, and yet they get pregnant easily.  Me, on the other hand…

Let the bourbon-drinking commence, right after I check my bank balance to be sure there’s $$ for next cycle.  What’s a few grand amongst friends?

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11 Comments on “Fuck”

  1. Care Says:

    Damn. I’m sorry Kate. 😦 That sucks.

  2. babybound Says:

    I’m sorry too. Maybe skip the bourbon and go straight for the meth. Being that as a prenatal, its really more like planning ahead then damaging your innerds.

  3. amyjay Says:

    It would be nice if we could separate ttc, BFN’s from ourselves. It’s crazy how we allow ourselves in some way to believe we have failed; when conception is something we have so little control over. I always feel as if it’s something I did (too much moonshine?) or something I did not do (O at insem.?) But then I’m reminded of the meth mouth girls. My lack of getting knocked-up had nothing to do with the 6 donuts I ate.

    I’m sorry. I’ll say it again for the insensitive RE…I’m sorry.

  4. meg Says:

    I got to your blog from someone elses (babysteps).. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. Very sorry. BFN’s suck.

  5. Gretchen Says:

    Damn. It’s just not fair. So. Not. Fair. I’m sorry.

    G

  6. Dianna Says:

    So sorry to hear about the beta. Even more sorry to hear about your RE. Caring should be required. Reminds me of the 2nd miscarriage I had here in town with Dr. M.M. – he came in and patted my hand and said ‘Bummer’. But he said it with sincerity. Email me if you need a partner in margaritaville.

  7. hp Says:

    Sorry to hear that. My fertility treatment centre is right by the maternity clinic and when I go for treatment there are heavily pregnant ladies outside smoking. Doesn’t feel like its very fair. We’ve been going 3 years and have only got 2 miscarriages to show for it. Good luck for the next cycle xx (I’ve got to wait til November as my doc says I have to have a cycle off to recover from the stimulations) – still – gives makes the £1500 easier to find if its only every 2 months!

  8. Jen/Joules Says:

    So sorry to hear this news, Kate!!! And, I hope that the bourbon was very much enjoyed!

  9. Natasha Says:

    I am so sorry!

  10. Amanda Says:

    FUCK is right. i am so fucking sorry. i hate it when i see people like that who just “slipped up” and got pregnant, especially when you know they aren’t going to be good parents, or aren’t even interested in being parents.
    i’m so sorry you’re having to go through this yet again. Enjoy that bourbon and try not to give up the hope.


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