Just To Be Clear

I reread my “Course Correction” post this morning.  And, y’know, it’s a funny thing, but apparently articulating my nascent desire to do this parenting thing as a not-SMC, and my fears about SMC-ing in my current situation, well, it made them disappear.  Or at least recede into the background. 

A couple of other things were at work, as well.  First, new job = freaked out me.  Always has, always will.  Now that I’m close to two months in, I’m much more calm, feel more in control, etc.  Not that I want to go on maternity leave next week, mind you, but I could see doing it, say, next summer.

Second, the adoption agency uncertainty?  Over it.  I know I don’t trust them, and I know I’m not willing to complete an adoption with them.  It’s a lousy, painful truth, but it’s a decided fact, as opposed to the previous uncertainty.  I can deal with shitty facts much more readily than possibly-shitty open-ended questions.  I’m giving them until my one-year dossier date to pull their heads out, and then it’s over.  (August 18th, for those playing along at home.)  That’s ten more days, guys. 

Things I know today:

– I want to parent.

– I would like, but don’t require, a partner.

– I don’t have to have both of those things at the same time.

– I don’t trust my adoption agency, and won’t be completing an adoption with them.

– I still want to try TTC again.

– I have an RE appointment on Sept. 4th.   

Explore posts in the same categories: Adoption, Baby, TTC

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