Unreality

So it’s no longer ice-ing, but is now snowing. I much prefer the snow, thanks. And I’m no longer on call for the ER, so it doesn’t matter too much what it does, as long as I can get home tomorrow night. Just thought I’d provide the up-to-date weather report for you all.

I was just over at another vn-adoption blogger’s site, looking at the adorable pictures of her little one. Aww. How sweet. And I was hit by this sensation of feeling that that will never happen to me. I look at other people’s babies, and feel like I’m never going to get there, that I’m just going to be waiting, and waiting, and waiting some more. And eventually I’ll be a shriveled up old lady, and no baby, just a pretty nursery, a closet full of clothes, and a freezer full of milk. I just can’t fully imagine getting to the travel stage (or hell, even the referral stage.) I keep waiting for someone to jump out from behind the curtain and yell “psych!” And really, after wanting this for so long (6.5 years) and actively trying for so long (18 months) – it’s almost like the wanting and the trying have become a way of life, and it will never, ever actually happen.

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