Another Thanksgiving

Well, I just finished my second piece of pumpkin pie for the day, so it must be Thanksgiving. We had a big family dinner here today, which went generally well. I’ll keep my thoughts on my semi-bratty cousins’ behavior to myself for now. The turkey was great, the pies went over well and I’m not too terribly exhausted. I spent yesterday evening finishing the cleaning and teaching my cousins (nearly 11 yrs) how to make pie crust. And Piper only wore a little bit of Crisco. Heh.

My heart hurts tonight for my little one. I don’t know quite how you can miss someone you’ve never met, but I do. Weird, but true. I miss her. It’s killing me that, assuming she’s been born, she’ll be spending Christmas in an orphanage. It will be harder for me emotionally than for her – Christmas is just another day there, one would presume. I want her here. Now. I don’t want my darling little one to spend a single minute in an orphanage. I don’t want her to cry and not be answered*. I don’t want her to be cold, or hungry, or stuck in wet pants. I don’t want her to miss a single holiday. I want her to be home, where she’s loved beyond all reason, snuggled, fed, warm, dry and covered with kisses. That’s so incredibly basic, but that’s all I want for her right now. Once I know those needs are met, we can move on to everything else a child could need or want – but right now I just want my sweet baby to be cared for by her mother.

Top songs I’m crying to this week:
If You Were Mine – Fernando Ortega
Angel’s Lullaby – Richard Marx
When Love Takes You In – Steven Curtis Chapman
Find Your Wings – Mark Harris
Merry Christmas – Third Day
and
Somewhere Out There – a.k.a. the Fievel Mousekewitz song. (Soooooo dating myself there.)
Please recall that my taste in music really doesn’t run to the schmoopy & nearly-exclusively Christian. These are just the Gert songs that really get to me at the moment.

*Note that I’m not saying orphanages are inherently bad places. Many/most do their best to care for the children materially and emotionally – but that’s not the same as life with a family, and even a nanny with only three or four babies in her care can’t provide the love & care a mother can. That’s all I’m saying.

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