Adoption-Related Schmoop

I spent at least an hour today crying my eyes out. It all started with a ladybug on my bedroom wall. It’s the first living ladybug I’ve seen in this house since I moved in almost two years ago. Then came a box from Amazon, containing, amongst other things, The Red Blanket. Which of course I had to read, and started tearing up. Then I came over to the computer to read blogs, and wound up hearing a new song on someone’s blog that made me really choke up. Then I was reminded of another few songs that were already on my Itunes, so I listened to them, and cried even harder.

It’s at least partially hormonal, and partially that I’m really feeling sad for Gert’s losses right now (and I don’t even know her yet.) Someday soon, if it hasn’t already happened, she’s going to be abandoned somewhere. Her birthmother (presumably) will drop her off, and it’s entirely probable that Gert will never see her again. After nine months growing in her body, being held in her arms for some period of time, and very possibly some time nursing at her breasts, this baby will be separated from the only mother she knows. She’ll be placed somewhere, I hope with care, but regardless she’ll be all alone, completely helpless. And then she’s going to go live in an orphanage, which, no matter how nice the caretakers are, etc, is not the same as having a mother that loves you and takes care of you. Then I’ll show up, this weird-smelling, weird-looking, weird-sounding person, and will take her away from the less-than-perfect, but still reassuring consistency of the orphanage. Is it the best thing, of the available options, for her future? Yes. But it doesn’t erase how many really horrible things will have happened to her in her short few months on the earth. And that is what made me cry today.

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