Bring on the Curse

If you don’t want to read about periods, cysts or other wimmen-folk related things, stop now, and return back from whence you came. If you know me IRL, and you choose to keep reading, and then share anything you’ve read here with anyone else we know, I’ll personally eviscerate you. When I want the world outside my tidy group of internet friends to know about these things, I’ll tell them. Until then, kindly hold thy tongue!

Cycle 1 of TTC has turned out to be a dismal failure. There were many promising signs, including spotting at 7 DPO, but alas, all was for naught. (I’m quite the medieval speaker this evening, perhaps due to the two bourbons currently coursing through my veins.) I’m now 35 DPO (yes, that’s 35. As in 5 weeks.) with a trail of negative HPTs behind me. Ah, sweet mystery of life. Glorious regular 13-15 day LPs for nigh-unto 15 years (leaving aside a few anovulatory cycles – can’t have an LP without ovulation) and suddenly, once the swimmers are introduced, everything goes haywire. I’ve had two betas, both negative. The logical conclusion is the dreaded luteal cyst, in which the normally friendly and benign corpus luteum fails to degenerate at it’s prescribed lifespan of 14 days or so, and continues to grow, filling with fluid & other detritus, and producing progesterone. That’s all grand if there’s a tiny intrauterine parasite to be nourished, but in the absence of such a little friend, the ugly thing is just annoying.

Today, after 5 weeks of unimaginable patience (and a certain amount of hair-tearing) I’ve decided to take one final HPT (negative, natch) and proceed to try to bring on the evil hag. Any of the traditional herbal emmenagogues (menstrual-inducers) that counteract progesterone should work nicely. And no, I won’t be using pennyroyal, for anyone at home that’s worried about my and my liver’s welfare. I’m starting with vitamin C and parsley/ginger tea. I’ll be moving up to angelica in a few days, then black cohosh if those fail. Hopefully they won’t.

I know that many of you who know me from FF or net54 will be a bit put off by my not seeking the help of a traditional MD. As a (mostly) traditional PA, I can honestly say that I know what I’m missing out on. Mostly, a bunch of expensive tests that I really don’t need. If I had an ectopic, the quantitative beta (at 24 DPO) would have been positive, at least slightly. If I had a gargantuan (>5 cm) cyst in need of surgical intervention, that would be quite symptomatic, as opposed to the relatively few twinges that I’ve had, all made known only when wearing a snug pair of jeans. Rather, it is much more likely that I have a garden-variety luteal cyst, for which the prescription would be “go home and wait for your period. If it doesn’t show up in a month or two, give us a call.” Or better yet “well, it looks like a cyst. Try these oral contraceptives.” No thanks. Not paying for a $500 ultrasound out of pocket for that. Rest assured, that if excruciating pain (I haven’t even taken a tylenol yet) or other worrisome symptoms occur, I will not pass go, will not collect $200, and will head straight for the nearest ER.

In closing, I’m not going to keep fertility-related stuff out of my blog anymore. Therefore, if you are squeamish, male or purely uninterested, the rest of the internet is available for your perusal should you find these posts inappropriate for your consumption. I’ll repost something I wrote last week, in the interests of completeness.

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2 Comments on “Bring on the Curse”

  1. Care Says:

    …and I was just wondering how you were doing. I could have sworn I sent AF up North last week when she left my house but since she seems to have gotten lost (probably my bad directions) I hope the herbs do the trick. Can’t say I blame you for not wanting to spend money for someone to tell you what you already know. 🙂 CarolynG

  2. Shelli Says:

    Black Cohosh tea works wonders.

    Not really harmful, either.

    best of luck!

    Shelli


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